Dear Mike Cares, how would you answer this?

DEAR ABBY: I'm having a problem with my husband's judgmental and narcissistic stepmom. She wasn't nice to him or his siblings while they were growing up. My hubby recently had a heart attack. After I called to tell his dad and emailed his siblings, she got very upset with me because I didn't give her the details first so she could disseminate the information. She also demanded to visit immediately after his surgery and got nasty with me on the phone when I told her she couldn't come in with Dad because the hospital allowed only two visitors at a time. Now she won't speak to me or answer emails.

This isn't the first time she has done this. She always looks for the worst and gives no grace. You can't discuss anything with her because she gaslights and takes no responsibility. This affects my husband's relationship with his elderly father, whom she poisons with her vitriol, especially regarding his children by his first wife. She does this with the entire family. She even sends nasty emails to her own children. I'm exhausted from all her drama. What do I do? -- EXHAUSTED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR EXHAUSTED IN KENTUCKY: I cannot tell you how sick I am of hearing from spineless amoebas like you who need advice on how to deal with a terrible mother-in-law. Adding insult to injury is that this evil bitch is his stepmother? Let’s face it, his father is the real problem, he is a world class pussy whipped girly man who has allowed this monumental twat from hell to ruin his entire family. You need to put her in her place immediately, publicly, and with extreme prejudice. Here is a letter I have recommended in the past:

Dear “Mom,” I am sending this letter on behalf of the entire family. We had a family meeting and did not include you because you aren’t really family, you are just the evil twat who married my husband’s father and went on to ruin all of our lives. No one likes you, and everyone wishes nothing but the worst for you. I have included some sentiments below that were shared by some of our family, all of which we all agree on. So read this letter let it sink into that evil saturated brain of yours and feel free to never speak to any of us again. Oh, and when we come to see our father, please feel free to go out into the back yard and climb into your tree house with the other primates.

“She is fat. Her perfume smells like a pet shop. Her voice makes my asshole pucker. Her clothes make her look like fat drugged up Elvis. She has all the mannerisms of a homeless hooker. The last time she cooked everyone puked. Her breath smells like stale beer and Taco Bell. From behind, her ass looks like two bulldogs fighting in a potato sack. Her body is falling so fast her gynecologist wears a hardhat. When she goes to lunch with friends, it is usually her seated alone at a table near the bathrooms complaining about having to leave more than a 5% tip. She is revolting wildebeest who should spend more time contemplating suicide and less time interacting with any of us…”

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