Dear Mike Cares, what advice would you give this Stud stuck with a Dud?

DEAR MIKE CARES: I have been with my girlfriend for 25 years. We have never married for various reasons. She is in her 60s, and I am 13 years younger. Our sex life isn't so good anymore. As a matter of fact, it is gone. What can I do as a younger man to make her feel special again? How can I light her fire? We still sleep in the same room, but that's about it. I am not ugly, overweight or unappealing. Is there any hope for at least a slight increase in sex? All of my parts are working, so that's not the problem. I don't want to cheat, and there are too many diseases I could catch out there. Please advise. -- READY AND WILLING IN ARIZONA

DEAR READY AND WILLING IN ARIZONA: Sometimes when you marry an older woman you have to be prepared for the sad day when the Furry Clam Shack finally closes down for good. I guess the real question is why would you want to spend your time climbing gray mountain every night when you are surrounded by a green valley of young, willing and able girls? If I were 47 years old and “not ugly, fat or unappealing” I would be out there banging away until I found a nice young girl to give me a disease and to replace the “old grey mare who aint what she used to be.” If you still want to make her feel special again and light her fire, just go buy her a Snuggy and a Duraflame log.  Good Luck and Keep in Touch! Dear Mike Cares is also on X, Instagram and Facebook (whatever they are.) For more honest advice, email me your stupid questions at DearMikeCares@gmail.com