Dear Mike Cares, how would you answer this Dear Abby?

DEAR ABBY: I'm a queer woman who has a crush on a girl. "Gwen" is kind, outgoing and very intelligent. The poetry she writes is brilliant and sometimes soul-crushing. We are close friends and bonded over our writing. My wife and I have talked openly about my feelings for this girl, and my wife understands why I like her.

The problem is, Gwen is heterosexual. She has said, partly in jest, that it's "oppressive" that she's straight. Without going into too much detail, she has had a bad time with past relationships and is presently single. I am bound and determined to nip this crush in the bud. I feel telling Gwen about it would be unethical. I know for certain that she's straight, but my brain refuses to shake this "feeling." I'm terrified that it will ruin our friendship. What do I do? -- CRUSHING IN INDIANA

DEAR CRUSHING IN INDIANA: First and foremost, your wife is understanding because ol’ Gwen prefers cocks and balls not tits and twats. As to the poetry, she is writing poetry because she is talented, she is not writing these soul crushing elements to you, so best you avoid schemes, rhymes and verses that are causing your strife and focus more on the realities of your life, and your wife. Nipping the crush in the bud is far easier than converting your crush on Gwen into some sort of face sitting and scissoring sexual affair that she falls heels over head into. Because you are a poetry buff here is a little something I wrote for you: Converting to queer, may cause her fear, the taste of your tongue may sound fun, but without a beard and a hairy chest, Gwen will confess, that lesbos are nice but only once or twice, I like the feel of a man inside me, the post ejaculate snore beside me. I am a fan of man.

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