Dear Mike Cares, how would you answer this Dear Abby? *case of going out for smokes

DEAR ABBY: My bride of two months, whom I love dearly, is very negative every time we try to make a plan. Whether it be traveling or house projects, she puts roadblocks in the way. Nothing gets accomplished, so I let her take the lead, and then nothing happens. She reads her book and does nothing. If I start a project after waiting to see if she's going to do something, she wants to throw a monkey wrench in my project. What do I do? -- STUCK IN PLACE IN FLORIDA

DEAR STUCK IN PLACE IN FLORIDA: Sounds like a world record honeymoon phase ended just 8 weeks after this psychotic controlling twat-a-holic said “I do!” Your best bet is to simply start smoking cigarettes, and then in a week or two have all your shit packed and tell her “Honey, I’m going out for a pack of smokes.” In no time you will be coughing a lot, but also just plain happy. Good Luck and Keep in Touch With Yourself! Dear Mike Cares is also on Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram and Facebook (whatever they are.) Email me your stupid questions at DearMikeCares@gmail.com