Dear Mike Cares, how would you answer this Dear Abby? *case of the abusive Doritos lover

DEAR ABBY: My adult son suffered a nervous breakdown a couple of years ago. Ever since, he has been blaming me for all his problems. It was always important to me to be a good mother, and I tried to be. Now he claims I was "emotionally abusive." (I never tried to be abusive.) He has put me through hell the last couple of years with his nasty accusations. I don't know where it's coming from.

Abby, he blames me for everything bad in his life. I am upset and crying all the time. He used to be sweet, and we were extremely close. Now he says he doesn't want to see me unless I get therapy! Everyone who knows me knows I would never hurt my son. It seems like he is going out of his way to hurt me. I think he needs to take responsibility for his own life and quit using me as his whipping post. Am I wrong? What should I do? -- WOUNDED MOM IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WOUNDED MOM IN WISCONSIN:  Sounds like you caused your son’s nervous breakdown (whatever the fuck that is,) which forced him into therapy and he and his therapist have identified all the fucked-up things you did and did not do to him during his formative years.  The fact that you make a point of saying “I never tried to be abusive,” leads me to believe that your abuse just came naturally.

I think you are not only wrong, but it is you who needs to take responsibility for your actions.  You have my permission to get off the couch where I know you are eating Doritos, drinking grape soda, and watching The View, take your first shower of the week, and then leave your trailer park to go find some state funded therapist that can enlighten you.  And, yes, on your way home you can stop at a gas station market for some beef jerky and this week’s TV Guide.  Good Luck and Keep in Touch! Dear Mike Cares is also on X, Instagram and Facebook (whatever they are.) Email me your stupid questions at DearMikeCares@gmail.com