Dear Mike Cares, how would you answer this Dear Abby? *case of the clueless johnson waver

DEAR ABBY: I am a single man in good health. I'm intelligent, friendly, funny and have been told by more than one woman that I don't look my age. But I do have one exasperating personality trait. I can't tell whether a woman is just friendly or romantically interested in me. I have no clue. None. I met a very attractive single woman, relatively close to my age, a couple years ago. Over time, she has seemingly become more enthusiastic about saying hello to me when I visit her workplace to deliver items every week. She always smiles when we speak to each other. Conversations have gone from short and clipped to longer and more personal. I like her very much. How can I tell if a mature woman is flirting with me or just being personable? She often works small compliments about me into our conversations. I want to ask her straight out if she is flirting, but if she says no, I'd be very embarrassed. I need your good advice. -- CLUELESS IN MICHIGAN

DEAR CLUELESS IN MICHIGAN: It’s 2024, if a woman is interested in a man she will flirt and if she is flirting with a clueless retard, she will likely just come right out and ask you out.  So she’s probably been flirting and sending signals out to you, but they are all bouncing off that Pussy-Proof Vest you have strapped to your chest. Sometimes you just have to step out of your comfort zone and go for it and be direct. In your case I would try drinking a half gallon of Jack Daniels stagger right up to her and wave at her with your Johnson.  If she screams or calls 911 you may be fucked, if she laughs and asks for a sip, you may be fucked! Good Luck and Keep in Touch! Dear Mike Cares is also on X, Instagram and Facebook (whatever they are.) Email me your stupid questions at DearMikeCares@gmail.com