Dear Mike Cares, how would you answer this Dear Abby? *case of the dognapping homo.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 54-year-old gay man who has spent his life making decisions with everyone else in mind. Every decision, life choice, relationship and career move has been based on how I'm perceived by friends and family. Currently, I'm living with my ex in my home. I'd like to live alone, but I feel responsible for his security. When I think about telling him I want to live separately, I feel like I'm letting him down. If I move, my family then has opinions on where I should live so I will stay in proximity to them. Also, we share dogs and I'm afraid if we split up the pack, I'm letting the dogs down. All of this pressure results in me doing nothing. I have been drinking more to shut out the noise. I have considered giving up alcohol, but that will also disappoint many in my family because they like to drink. Please help me! -- GUILTY GUY IN MICHIGAN

DEAR GUILTY IN MICHIGAN Was your decision to take it up the ass a decision you made with everyone else in mind? Bahahaha! You are a weak-minded jellyfish who needs to stop worrying about what others think, and start focusing on things you enjoy, like penis, testicles, semen, and ball room dancing. You want to stop the noise?... why don’t you take your head out of your ass, or, in your case, the ferret, and start living for yourself. Also, definitely stay on the booze, it will help when you tell your family to fuck-off and when you flee in the dead of night with all the dogs.

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