Dear Mike Cares, how would you answer this Dear Abby? **case of the flat Xbox ass

EAR ABBY: I am in love with my best friend, "Mitch." He's a father of three great girls. He works hard but can't handle his finances. His brother has to do it for him or nothing would get paid and his daughters wouldn't get what they need. Mitch has ADHD. He can't settle down.

We tried dating, but he cheated on me. We didn't talk for months, and then started talking again and things are good, even in the bedroom. But some days, he clams up and won't talk to me at all. Then, when he wants something, he will call me. Mitch wanted a 55-inch TV, so I got it for him. Then he wanted the new Xbox which, again, I bought. He makes twice as much as I do. Last week, he took off to see a girl and lied to me about it, saying he was "working out of town."

Mitch is coming home this weekend and wants to see me. I know what he wants -- sex. Yes, the sex is great, but I think he is using me. He's 38; I'm 43. When we are together, we are good, but then he turns cold and doesn't talk to me for days.

What do you think? -- USED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR USED IN KENTUCKY: Sounds to me like Mitch doesn’t have ADHD at all, he seems to pay plenty of attention making sure all of his needs are handled by others. His brother handles his financial and family needs, you handle his electronic gift needs, and you and ten other dumb broads handle his sex needs.

I think the only person suffering from attention deficit is you, he is not paying enough attention to you likely because of the ridiculously foggy-brained romantic notions that come out of your insufferable pie-hole. This guy goes around slinging his johnson at every furry lap-flounder that will have him, and all you want to do is talk about how “we are good” when you are together!

The reason “he turns cold” is because you don’t understand how hard it is pretending to enjoy banging you out while trying to balance the Xbox remote on your flat ass and still see the 55” TV through your bleached out 80s haircut.

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