Dear Mike Cares, how would you answer this Dear Abby? *case of the invisible unicorn

DEAR ABBY: I am struggling with an invisible illness and losing patience with friends, family and acquaintances. I'm working with doctors to manage my conditions, and I'm tired of all the suggestions and seemingly positive comments I'm hearing, like, "You can do it; just put your mind to it!" I am seeing a therapist to help with the emotional stress, and even they are trying to armchair diagnose me and question my knowledge of specific vitamins, probiotics and treatments. Some of these folks mean well, but others I suspect are strongly hinting that I'm making it all up. I'm not even sure what my question is. A polite way to shut people down would be helpful. Please make your readers aware that not every illness is visible. -- STRUGGLING IN THE EAST

DEAR STRUGGLING IN THE EAST: I have a hard time providing advice on invisible issues, call me crazy, but I tend to stick to visible, real, diagnosed, and legitimate issues. I love your statement “I’m not even sure what my question is!” Since you are invisible what do you see in the mirror, is it you or do you see a drunken monkey riding a unicorn through a valley of sprinkles and ice cream? If I am being honest, you very may be making this all up, but since you are bat-shit crazy you probably don’t even know it! So rather than struggle reading this response, why don’t you just sit back on your sofa, turn on The Cartoon Network and finish off that glass pipe filled with the meth, fentanyl, crack and hash oil cocktail that has provided the basis for your scrambled brain and your invisible illness.

Good Luck and Keep in Touch! Dear Mike Cares is also on Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram and Facebook (whatever they are.) Email me your stupid questions at DearMikeCares@gmail.com