Dear Mike Cares, how would you answer this Dear Abby? *case of the Krazy kid.

DEAR ABBY: I host holiday meals for my out-of-town family. During the last one, my cousin's 5-year-old son ran up and down the upstairs hallway pretty much nonstop the entire time. The floor is ceramic tile, so when he did this, it made a huge racket and shook the house. The pounding frayed my and my husband's nerves, but we didn't say anything because I was afraid it wouldn't go over well. In the future, I asked if he can be told we have a house rule of no running inside. I also asked if there is a game or something I can buy to keep him entertained or redirect him if he starts doing it again. I was then informed that "this is just what children his age do and it is impossible to get them not to run." Trying to compromise, I asked if it could be limited to the three-season room, the outside or the basement, and was told they probably won't come then. My mother was just diagnosed with a serious illness, and I would hate to not have part of the family here this year because of this. Was my request out of line? Is there another solution? My cousin and her family say their homes are too small to host, and no one wants to go to a restaurant. -- UNNERVED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR UNNERVED IN THE MIDWEST: Your cousin is a self-centered twat and you can’t change her, so don’t bother trying.  As to her out of hand fucktard kid, next time they are heading over for another free holiday meal just leave some open containers of Krazy Glue and a few razor knives out. His restlessness will come to end either tragically or hysterically. Good Luck and Keep in Touch! Dear Mike Cares is also on X, Instagram and Facebook (whatever they are.) Email me your stupid questions at DearMikeCares@gmail.com