Dear Mike Cares, how would you answer this Dear Abby? *case of the lesbo statue

DEAR ABBY: How do I deal with guests and friends who make unfortunate comments about personal belongings in my home? For example, I have a favorite print of a woman seated at a table. A friend commented, “Oh, we used to call her Mrs. Potato Head.” About my beautiful handwoven table runner depicting sliced fruit, a guest said, “Oh, those look like women’s private parts!” I also display a beautiful statue of the three Graces, which I inherited from my beloved mother. Another friend piped up, “Oh, the three lesbians!” They have stolen the joy I had about the pieces. I can no longer look at these treasures without being reminded of those stupid, thoughtless remarks, and so I had to get rid of them. What do I do if this happens again, or how do I prevent it? -- PROUD OF POSSESSIONS IN MAINE

DEAR PROUD OF POSSESSIONS IN MAINE: It sounds like you are so proud of your ugly shit you are missing the fact that most of it is so ridonkulous guests of all ages and backgrounds can’t help but to make fun of them! You have heard of the old adage “There is no accounting for taste?” well I think it applies to your situation. As to the fact that you are so sensitive about your ugly paintings, lesbo statues and vagina filled table runners that you allowed your wise-ass guests and friends to force you to get rid of them, well that just shows how desperate you are to please others rather than just enjoying the hideous crap you love to buy and display. You need to lighten up or keep your friends and guests out of your house of comedic horrors and away from your “Proud Possessions.”

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