Dear Mike Cares, how would you answer this Dear Abby? **case of the lost testicles

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, my husband, unhappy in his job, decided he wanted to be a real estate agent. He quit his job to do full-time real estate, and really struggled. The company he joined offered little training, and he had no office skills. The dramatic drop in our income almost bankrupted us. He asked me to also get a license to help (I have a great office job). I didn't want to at first because I knew I would end up doing almost all the work, but I did it anyway.

Shortly after I got licensed, he was offered a position at his previous company. It was a blessing, and he took it. I have been selling real estate in addition to my job and having a lot of success. I believe it's due to my 20 years of office management experience and social media skills. Although I'm an introvert, I'm a hard worker, and my business is growing. People seek me out.

Abby, my husband is jealous. When I sell a home, he pouts, acts depressed or picks arguments around that time. He hates going to business dinners or training with our company, and if I go without him, he barely speaks to me the next day. Sometimes he gets excited and talks about how he needs to sell some houses. When he does, I encourage him and talk about how great he is at working with people, but ultimately he does nothing to make it happen.

I really enjoy real estate. I love getting out and showing houses and networking with other agents, and the extra income has really helped. I don't know what to do. -- PAYING THE PRICE OF SUCCESS

DEAR PAYING THE PRICE OF SUCCESS: Your husband is a little bitch, a cry-baby, and has testicle envy. You need to start treating him like the housewife he has become, call him from work and ask him if he did the laundry and find out what’s for dinner. Also, start leaving him grocery lists, have him pick up your dry cleaning, and let him know there are some great book-clubs he can join rather than focusing on real estate.

Start buying white wine and recording The View for him. If he does not push back and falls right into place, then pick up a strapon marital aid on your way back from work and let him know you have not forgotten his needs and have decided to open up a new part of your marriage, his Ass !

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