Dear Mike Cares, how would you answer this Dear Abby? *case of the nut-job side piece

DEAR ABBY: I have been involved with a married man for the last five years. He lied to me about his status. He told me that a woman he'd had a 15-year relationship with had left him. I recently learned he has been with her for more than 30 years, and she's the mother of his kids. I have tried to walk away many times, but I always go back. I don't blame him, but I am very hurt by the deceptions. I have been hospitalized for depression three times since I've been with him. I'm not a homewrecker. He's not a demon. I just need help. I can't go on like this. My mental health is deteriorating rapidly now. Please help me. -- HEARTBROKEN IN MARYLAND

DEAR HEARTBROKEN IN MARYLAND: Sneaking around while sucking and fucking a married man for 5 years does make you a homewrecker.  The fact that you're hurt by "his deceptions" is about as funny as you trying to walk away but finding yourself in a mental hospital, three times no less! As to your mental health deteriorating “rapidly” mine is too after reading your letter.  Do us all a favor and go ahead and have a full-blown mental breakdown, and then on your way back into the arms of your demon-lover stop by his house and let his family know his nut-job side piece is here to stay! Good Luck and Keep in Touch! Dear Mike Cares is also on X, Instagram and Facebook (whatever they are.) Email me your stupid questions at DearMikeCares@gmail.com