Dear Mike Cares, how would you answer this Dear Abby? *case of the oral granny

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our early 70s. We have been married seven years. I was celibate before we met and thrilled to have a partner I respected and was attracted to. Our sex life seemed normal and exciting with lots of kisses and hugs throughout the day. Recently, I caught him on a phone sex call and then discovered he visits sex chat rooms. I'm devastated. I feel betrayed and angry that my trust has been violated. After several attempts to lie, he finally admitted the truth, but said it was a "recent" thing -- which was even more insulting!

My therapist says men don't suddenly take up phone sex and pornography in their 70s. When I shared that with my husband, he revealed it wasn't "as often" in the past. He swears he loves me and will get help, but I can't imagine how I can trust him again. He doesn't seem to want to talk about it any further, other than taking some online classes dealing with porn addiction. Our relationship has always been cordial and friendly and that continues, though I'm no longer willing to have sex at this time. My impulse is to bolt. I'm too old to deal with this nonsense, and I just want to live the rest of my life in peace. What do you think? -- THROWN IN KANSAS

DEAR THROWN IN KANSAS: Well, Granny, first things first, you describe a normal sex life as “lots of hugs and kisses throughout the day,” whereas men would describe a normal sex life as “banging my bitch wife three days a week and then hooking up with my side piece on weekends.” Your therapist hit in on the head, “hubby did not suddenly take up porn in his 70s.” Your new husband is a sex addicted pussy hound, obviously a character flaw you did not seem to pick up on prior to your geriatric wedding day. And now you are no longer willing to have sex with him? Now that’s funny! If you bolt, you may regret it, you would be better served, serving him. Perhaps using your mouth on him, I refer here to a non-speaking role with your mouth, also known as sloppy, and frequent blow jobs while he mentally connects to his favorite travel spot, signpost: City of Pornhub Just Ahead.

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