Dear Mike Cares, how would you answer this Dear Abby? *case of the rubber glove lover.

DEAR ABBY: I am a man in my 50s. A few months ago, I had a routine doctor's appointment, with a new primary care physician. I intended the appointment to be a complete, regular physical. I don't (thankfully) have any major physical health issues that I know of. But I was always taught it is wise to have periodic physical exams, in case there is a less obvious medical issue, as well as get to know one's doctor. I went for the physical exam. I was not asked to undress as I have been with all my previous doctors. The doctor seemed nice, but I found it strange that I wasn't examined physically. I find it hard to understand how a doctor could properly examine me without me undressing. The doctor should be used to seeing bodies, and I cannot understand why the doctor or staff were reluctant to ask me to undress. I found this all very confusing. Perhaps there was some miscommunication? I don't know if this is unusual, temporary or a new normal that I haven't heard about. Next time, should I be more clear about wanting to be examined thoroughly, or should I change doctors? -- COVERED UP IN VIRGINIA

DEAR COVERED UP IN VIRGINIA: Sounds like your disappointment lies in the fact that you did not get to undress and have strangers roam their hands over and into your body. Not sure if your doctor was a female or a male, but either way they had a reason to keep you clothed. You are either a big fat slob forcing a doctor to search through your blubber to make sure you don’t explode at your next Denny’s all you can eat breakfast, or you’re some sort of boner-wielding pervert seeking rectal relief from anyone wearing rubber gloves. Yes, definitely change doctors and the moment you are left alone in the examining room, strip down, bend over, and wait for the sweet feel of a strange fist up your ass, assuming they can find it! Good Luck and Keep in Touch! Dear Mike Cares is also on Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram and Facebook (whatever they are.) Email me your stupid questions at DearMikeCares@gmail.com