Dear Mike Cares, how would you answer this Dear Abby? *case of the tube sniffer.

DEAR ABBY: While I work 12-hour night shifts at a hospital, my husband sometimes invites his co-workers and friends over. He likes to hang out with a crowd. (I prefer to keep my circle of friends tight.) I don't usually mind. It's a weekday, and my husband has to work the next day (six days a week usually), and he gets our three kids to bed on time.

Recently, my 10-year-old daughter told me that while I was working, she saw them with a tube on the counter and they were sniffing things. She also said the wife of one of my husband's friends came over and that they were making out on the couch and then moved to her bedroom, where they made out. She said she was afraid to tell me sooner because she didn't want her dad to yell at her. I am livid. Words cannot express how furious this makes me. I don't understand how he could put our kids in this situation. I can't help but wonder what else has transpired while I'm at work. How do I discuss this with him without losing it completely and throwing him out? -- LIVID IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LIVID IN CALIFORNIA: So your husband gets your three kids to bed on time while you work 12 hour shifts, and you’re complaining because he has a few friends over? You sound like a real whiner, perhaps you should take some Midol, curl up on the couch with a half-gallon of Häagen-Dazs and stop worrying your little head over this silly stuff. I think you are completely fucked up if you don't know what you should do, but, if you still want my advice, have at it: Maybe if you didn’t prefer a tight circle of friends you could embrace your husband’s co-workers and friends, loosen up a little, and you too could turn into a retarded coke head and bang strangers in the marital bed while your 10 year old daughter watches. It may seem like strange advice, but, then again I like to stay up all night drinking Tequila, watching COPS reruns, and crying during the Sarah McLachlan dying dogs commercials.

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