Dear Mike Cares, how would you answer this Dear Abby? *case of the victimless cheater

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 18 years. It's a second marriage for both of us. He cheated on his ex with me. Soon after we were married, he told me that, given the chance, he would cheat on me, but that I shouldn't worry because no really pretty woman would ever want him. Six years into our marriage, I needed to find something on his phone and saw he had signed up on a dating website for married people looking to cheat. We went to counseling. He said he wasn't planning on following through; he just wanted to see what was out there. Not long afterward, I noticed he had checked a website for dating foreign women, but he needed a credit card, so he gave up. Off to counseling again. I told him that was strike two.

Last month, I went on vacation with my daughter. Last week, he accidentally deleted something on his phone and asked me to find it. What I also found were emails from women offering their services, all of them sent while I was away. ("Send money, I'll send more titillating photos.") He claims he didn't ask for them. There are eight or 10. My question: Is this strike three? -- FOOLISH LADY IN MARYLAND

DEAR FOOLISH LADY IN MARYLAND: Two things are going on that you may be too selfish to see or understand: 1) your husband needs to feel like he is still in the game, and needs something new and exciting 2) you are both lying cheaters from the get-go, so you don’t get to take the “poor me” stance as a victim, especially since he has not actually locked crotches and swapped gravy with some other dopey female as of yet. So, forget counseling, obviously your husband is not getting what he needs or wants from you, because rather than fulfilling his sexual desires and manly needs you are too busy trying to make sure you get to say “three strikes you’re out!” I say drop 20 pounds, buy something sexy, and when he not looking, strap on a dildo and give him something new and exciting. Good Luck and Keep in Touch! Dear Mike Cares is also on Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram and Facebook (whatever they are.) Email me your stupid questions at DearMikeCares@gmail.com