Dear Mike Cares, how would you answer this Dear Abby? *case of the video interruptus

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are engaged to be married soon, but we live (and will continue to live) in separate cities. We are in our mid-50s with children, and it's the second marriage for each of us. My fiance isn't very verbal about his desires, but we talk with each other every day and we live together about half the time. I want to make sure he isn't lonely and isn't wanting more when we're apart, but I'm not an openly sexual person, and I'm not sure I'd feel comfortable engaging in video chat intimacy with him. I have raised the topic with him. He suggested I write to you and see what you suggest. -- LONG-DISTANCE WIFE-TO-BE

DEAR LONG-DISTANCE WIFE-TO-BE: Your future husband is way ahead of you on the video intimacy idea, he has likely been beating his man meat like a mongoloid on mescaline for years. He isn’t verbal about is desires because they are being met by his own hands, something you could never replace. The fact that you want to send him “intimate” videos of yourself, a fading 50+ “non-openly sexual” divorced female will be like asking him to stare into the sun for 8 hours, he will come out of it confused, half blind, and having no desire to ever open his eyes again. Your only real hope is each time you’re together to put out like his porn whores, and maybe, just maybe, this marriage will actually take place.

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