Dear Mike Cares, what advice would you give the father of the stud?

DEAR MIKE CARES: My 25-year-old son lives with his two girlfriends, who are also romantically involved with each other, one is pregnant, the other desires a baby. They share a single bedroom. I don't approve of this arrangement and can't see it ending well. I love my son and I have a good relationship with all three of them, but it flies in the face of my upbringing and beliefs. My question: How do I deal with this threesome if they come stay at my house? I don't want this going on under my roof, but I don't know how to assign bedrooms. If it were just two of them in a committed relationship, I could suck it up and put them together, but all three?

I think my son knows me well enough to (hopefully) make that decision before coming here. I'm afraid if I assign bedrooms according to my convictions, it will lead to a falling-out. Any advice? -- CONFLICTED DAD IN OHIO

DEAR CONFLICTED DAD IN OHIO: First of all, let’s not refer to your son as anything but Super Stud.  Second of all, Super Stud might find he is king of the bedroom, but he is also king of the retards, since he is going to be up to his ass-balls in child support and litigation once the Sex Sluts find a lawyer and form a less desirable and more expensive threesome.  As to assigning bedrooms, I would let Super Stud and the Sex-Sluts sleep wherever they please, no need for trouble, especially in case you get lucky and the sex-sluts wander into your room late at night providing an unforgettable senior moment. Pun intended. Good Luck and Keep in Touch! Dear Mike Cares is also on X, Instagram and Facebook (whatever they are.) Email me your stupid questions at DearMikeCares@gmail.com