Dear Mike Cares, what advice would you give the lonely sports guy? case of the NFL blues

DEAR MIKE CARES: My best friend since the 9th grade and I have always watched NFL football on Sundays. We have watched through the births of my children (he is the godfather to both; they are now adults), deaths in the family -- everything. He has never married or had a significant other. He is very family-oriented, though. He has two sisters and two brothers. Two years ago, his siblings moved to other states. It was a very sad time for him. The bond I thought would never be broken now has been. I completely understand his visiting them during Thanksgiving, Christmas and any special event, but my view is, besides those visits, he could see them at any time during the entire six-month offseason from football. When I said this, he told me things have changed, and although he has been back both summers, he tells me it's cooler and more pleasant to visit them in autumn. Of course, I am the one who drives him to the airport every time. I truly miss my best friend on those Sundays. I'm hurt and would like your advice on what I can do. -- LONELY SPORTS FAN OUT WEST

DEAR LONELY SPORTS FAN OUT WEST: kind of hard to listen to a male football fan complain like a little bitch about his friend not spending NFL Sundays with him. I don’t know whether to call the Waaaambulance for you or to just slap your face and tell you to grow up Peter Pan, Count Chocula. Maybe you should have married him and you two could quilt together on Sundays while watching real men rough each other up. Until those wedding bells ring, you can either shut the fuck up or head over to the nearest sports bar to watch the game, you may even find people you have a lot in common with like girlfriends, wives, and ex-cheerleaders. Good Luck and Keep in Touch! Dear Mike Cares is also on X, Instagram and Facebook (whatever they are.) Email me your stupid questions at DearMikeCares@gmail.com