Dear Mike Cares, what advice would you give this blossoming twat-zilla?

DEAR MIKE CARES: My niece, who is engaged, is blossoming into a full-fledged bridezilla. She has upset her mother so deeply that she may not attend the wedding. The bride is dictating what her guests are to wear, in addition to telling her mother what she is to wear that day. She has also ordered my sister to get hair extensions and have her makeup professionally done. The list goes on and on. She brought her girlfriends to a bridal shop and, without asking about a budget, tried on gown after gown with no regard to cost. She fell in love with one that is beyond her mother's budget and demanded, "This is my dress!" My sister, wanting to avoid a scene, paid for it. My sister has been excluded from all the wedding planning. The bride is deferring to her father and stepmother, who are paying for most of the wedding. If anyone offers a suggestion or asks a question, it is met with hostility. How do we handle this? My sister feels defeated and is deeply hurt by her daughter's actions. -- AUNT OF A MONSTER

DEAR AUNT OF A MONSTER: Sounds like your niece-beast will get whatever she wants, probably because her daddy is paying for anything and everything so as long as she keeps silent about all those dirty teenage nights he and his bourbon breath insisted on tucking her in. By the time she burns through friends and family the only guests at her Barbie Dream Wedding will be a drunken priest, the church janitor, and his friends from AA. Her husband to be is probably already in therapy and now understands why 50% of marriages end after the first 5 years. Their marriage of course will end in less than a year, likely to include a flying meatloaf, smashed beer bottles, broken furniture, a 911 call and a battered husband who can still use his one unswollen eye to see his real future in the hot neighbor standing in her nightie watching the fierce marital melee spill out onto the lawn as the cop cars skid to a stop. Good Luck and Keep in Touch! Dear Mike Cares is also on X, Instagram and Facebook (whatever they are.) Email me your stupid questions at DearMikeCares@gmail.com