Dear Mike Cares, what advice would you give this cornfield fertilizer?

DEAR MIKE CARES: I am a senior in high school in a long-distance relationship. My boyfriend, "Grant," and I live two states apart and have visited each other several times. He's four years older than I am. We met three years ago, when Grant was 19 and I was 15, and became friends through Instagram. However, he had a girlfriend and we were nothing more than friends. I developed feelings, but he did not reciprocate because I was underage. Later, after he and his girlfriend broke up, I told him how I felt and we became a couple. That was 10 months ago. Grant asked me to move in with him next year, and I have decided to do so. His college tuition and housing are paid for, and he wants to help in paying mine while we pursue an in-person relationship. Some of my relatives know about my decision, but the two family members I live with do not. They are very serious and old-fashioned in their beliefs and do not respect my relationship in any way. I'm not sure how to tell them about my decision to move 900 miles away to a state where neither Grant nor I have friends or family. I'm looking for any advice possible. -- BIG PLANS IN INDIANA

DEAR BIG PLANS IN INDIANA: “Relatives,” “Family Members,” are you in a commune or a foster home? Do you not have parents? Sounds like your brain is in VR world not the real world!  You and Grant are not “a couple,” you are merely Instagram friends. Moving 900 miles away to “pursue an in-person relationship” (without Instagram Beauty and Body Filters) is a mistake that won’t end with two happy college grads it will end with you being chopped up and buried in a cornfield about a mile from his “paid for college housing.”  Good Luck and Keep in Touch! Dear Mike Cares is also on X, Instagram and Facebook (whatever they are.) For more honest advice, email me your stupid questions at DearMikeCares@gmail.com