Dear Mike Cares, what advice would you give this delusional parent?

DEAR MIKE CARES: My son married a girl from Taiwan. She's sweet but very uncultured. I have tried for more than 10 years to get along with her, but it has been very hard. We have nothing in common except my son. She doesn't cook very often, or clean or do laundry. Her English is terrible. She dresses poorly, has no interest in her home and celebrates no holidays. We are never invited to dinner. We always entertain them. They have no children. Our relationship with our son is strong, but I have grown to dislike her. She does very little for him. Her interest in saving money at the expense of any enjoyment is sad. I don't know what to do. Help, please. -- DISAPPOINTED IN TEXAS

DEAR DISAPPOINTED IN TEXAS: You're delusional, your son married a sex worker, and sex workers don’t cook, clean, or do laundry. Meals are generally made up of rice balls, semen and MDMA, laundry is handled by pimps, and the only thing she cleans is their lady parts every fifteen minutes or so, depending on the lines.  As to her English, I guarantee she pronounces “suck, fuck, lick, big, long, handsome,” and “you-pay-now” like a professor of literature from Oxford.  She is saving her money because some day she and her stuffed mattress will be sold to a new guy once your son’s contract expires. Good Luck and Keep in Touch! Dear Mike Cares is also on X, Instagram and Facebook (whatever they are.) Email me your stupid questions at DearMikeCares@gmail.com