Dear Mike Cares, what advice would you give this egghausted mother of a spaz?

DEAR MIKE CARES: My son "Ethan" is a visually impaired adult with disabilities. He's articulate, down to earth and joyful to be around. He's a homeowner in a nice area of town. A woman we met through the Nextdoor app bought an expensive winter coat from us very cheap. She and her husband know Ethan is in Special Olympics and awaiting a guide dog. She raised chickens, and when Ethan mentioned the new egg hatcher we bought for him, she asked if she could borrow it. I told her she could, after our one chick was grown enough.

I have asked repeatedly for her to return it. She said she would, and even asked for our address. I provided her with the information. She has since moved, but she's still in town. When I asked her more recently to please return it, she posted Ethan's photo from the Nextdoor app with a quote, "Dangerous and Unstable Person." What can I do to defend him? Legally, I think something needs to be done for his reputation now. -- PERPLEXED MOM IN COLORADO

DEAR PERPLEXED MOM IN COLORADO:  Obviously the only appropriate thing to do if he has already been deemed a “Dangerous and Unstable Person” is to grab your half-blind retarded son go buy three dozen eggs, and head over to this twat’s new place and bomb away until her whole house looks like a cheap diner omelet. Good Luck and Keep in Touch! Dear Mike Cares is also on X, Instagram and Facebook (whatever they are.) Email me your stupid questions at DearMikeCares@gmail.com