Dear Mike Cares, what advice would you give this husband of a Dirty Mom?

DEAR MIKE CARES: I am married with two children, 6 and 4. I love them and my wife. When I met her, I knew she was a little messy. I am neat, tidy and generally organized. Over time, her behavior (specifically, cleanliness and tidiness) has grown worse. It's reached the point where she leaves her chewed-off fingernails where our children play barefoot. She refuses to help with household chores or to be a functional part of the household. I don't want a divorce because I know it would wreck the children's lives. I have been holding out while politely begging for some of the cleanliness issues to resolve, but it's had zero impact. I'm ready to lose my mind, and my hair is visibly thinning from the stress. It's like having a third child. What do I do? -- FRAZZLED IN FLORIDA

DEAR FRAZZLED IN FLORIDA: Sometimes we are blinded by the love for an animal until we bring them home and find out they are, and always will be, just an animal. I commend you for not divorcing or tying her to a tree outside the local shelter. But, it is time to do something, you should consider building her a nice shed she can live in on the edge of your property. Don’t worry, the kids can put on their hazmat suits and visit her while you and your new smoking hot 23-year-old Hispanic cleaning lady "function together" as part of the household while doing the chores. Good Luck and Keep in Touch! Dear Mike Cares is also on X, Instagram and Facebook (whatever they are.) For more honest advice, email me your stupid questions at DearMikeCares@gmail.com