Dear Mike Cares, what advice would you give this love struck half-wit?

DEAR MIKE CARES: I have a connection with someone very close to my heart, but I'm afraid our relationship isn't healthy. I'M the one who pays our rent. I'M the one who pays for all the food. And I'M the one who has to drive ALL THE TIME -- and, as you know, gas isn't cheap. It upsets me because he also never talks to me. I do like his style. What I love most about him is he is always there to support me. He gives the best hugs! He has beautiful eyes. And I just KNOW he loves me! I love him SO much! But he gets so sad when I hang out with my friends without him. I want to include him in our activities, but all my friends say that's "unrealistic." How dare they! I love him with all my heart, but often he just doesn't want to spend time with me. And I'm worried he's been cheating on me! What should I do? -- GIRL IN LOVE IN CANADA

DEAR GIRL IN LOVE IN CANADA: This sounds like a classic role reversal situation. Ever since man could walk upright they have done all the paying, all the driving, and never want anything to do with your dopey friends, so they insist you stay home and focus on the three B’s that matter most to men, Beaver, Burgers and Brew. Your pathetic “we have a connection,” “he gives the best hugs,” “I know he loves me,” has been spewed by every deaf, dumb and blind broad since Eve was convinced to bite the apple first. Your undeveloped frontal lobe competing with your desperate need to please has unfortunately turned your rods and cones into seeing only hearts, roses, and wedding dresses. My advice to you is almost as simple as you are, I say keep him around until the price of gas goes down and let him support you right up to the point you catch him cheating. Good Luck and Keep in Touch! Dear Mike Cares is also on X, Instagram and Facebook (whatever they are.) For more honest advice, email me your stupid questions at DearMikeCares@gmail.com