Dear Mike Cares, what advice would you give this mother of fuit-nut?

DEAR MIKE CARES: I have suspected for many years that my son is gay. I don't understand why he would feel he can't talk to me about his relationships. I would love him regardless. Everything was fine when his father and I lived hundreds of miles away, but when I mentioned we might move closer, my son got very upset and made it clear that he didn't want it to happen. At the time, I didn't understand why. We moved closer anyway, and now there's an invisible curtain between us. His dad is disabled. I'm his caretaker, which can be very stressful at times, but I do everything I can to take care of myself emotionally and physically so I can do it right. My husband's dad turned out to be gay and divorced his mom. My husband is still angry at his father, which I understand. I suspect that may be one reason our son is distant. Several of his contemporaries (both male and female) have mentioned their suspicions to me. I love my son and want to be closer. I have contacted PFLAG for assistance. Can you provide me with any insight? -- TRYING IN VIRGINIA

DEAR TRYING IN VIRGINIA: Obviously moving closer to your son does not sit well with him because he, like I, think you are a nosy pushy pain in the ass (not the type of pain in the ass he feels after a Saturday night date.)  I think you should just leave him alone and stop trying to find out if he gargles balls or just is a little light in the loafers and actually enjoys show tunes! As to your husband’s father being a bun splitter, well, I don’t think it’s genetic to yearn for the ass of another man unless, of course, you’re a Catholic priest. PS: if you do visit him and there is a sign on the front porch asking to enter through the back door your suspicions were probably correct.  Good Luck and Keep in Touch! Dear Mike Cares is also on X, Instagram and Facebook (whatever they are.) For more honest advice, email me your stupid questions at DearMikeCares@gmail.com