Dear Mike Cares, what advice would you give this Untouched relic?

DEAR MIKE CARES: I am a senior woman in great shape. I am active, and I have never had a problem attracting men. Five years ago, I married a man I had known for many years. We used to have a pretty active sex life, but it has been four years since he has touched me in an intimate way. He says he doesn't know why, and that it is due to lack of confidence. I'm afraid that if I don't leave, I'll never know the loving arms of a man around me again. In other ways, we get along fine, but as time has progressed, I no longer find him attractive. If he did make a move today, I think I would reject it because too much hurt has happened. Financially, leaving would be a disaster. Our friends and family think we are a great couple, but no one knows the truth. I feel like I am sinking into a morass with each long, lonely day. Please advise. -- UNTOUCHED IN COSTA RICA

DEAR UNTOUCHED IN COSTA RICA: Why you aren’t doing grandma things like knitting and putting other geriatrics to sleep with photos of your grandkids is beyond me, also, I’m getting mixed singles here, you are hurt because your husband is hands off but if he made a move, you would reject it? As to his “lack of confidence,” is this a boner issue or his he just tired of hearing you say faster, harder, slower and a little to the left? Obviously you can’t enjoy both his shlong and his money, so go find yourself some young Costa Rican jungle stud who his able to look past your dentures, arid love canal, and diapers or just head over to the senior center and try sexually draining the life out a few other needy geezer’s who haven’t had any poontang since the Covid masks came off. Good Luck and Keep in Touch! Dear Mike Cares is also on X, Instagram and Facebook (whatever they are.) For more honest advice, email me your stupid questions at DearMikeCares@gmail.com