Dear Mike Cares, what advice would you give to the guy who wouldn't die?

DEAR MIKE CARES: I have been married for 28 years. Last year I was diagnosed with cancer. It was discovered because of a seizure I had at work. They put me in an ambulance, took me to the hospital and did a CT scan, which revealed my stage-4 cancer. Prior to this, my wife didn't work, while I had a well-paying job. This instantly reversed for obvious reasons. My wife was extremely attentive. She started taking me to all my appointments and spent a lot of time with me in the hospital on her days off. This was about a six-month ordeal, and long story short, when I saw my doctors last week, they announced that after 35 radiation treatments and seven chemo treatments, they can no longer find any visual evidence of the cancer. I was so thrilled I cried. Since then, my wife has been drinking heavily and getting angry with me just about every night. I don't know what's going on with her or what to do. She's the best woman I've ever met, and I don't want to lose her, but she's starting to become violent. Could you give me some advice? -- RECOVERING BUT CONFUSED

DEAR RECOVERING BUT CONFUSED: This is so obvious you should ask the doctors if there are any tumors in that malfunctioning brain of yours. Your cancer nonsense forced your wife to get out of her housewife mode, enter the workforce and make new friends. She was finally enjoying her life until the day you came home cancer-free declaring you were not going to die. Now she's stuck again in the house with healthy you, and only booze and anger gets her through the day. It’s either that or she was banging one of the doctors treating you. Now all you have to do is find out which of those sneaky MDs was playing hide the rectal thermometer with your extremely attentive wife. Good Luck and Keep in Touch! Dear Mike Cares is also on X, Instagram and Facebook (whatever they are.) Email me your stupid questions at DearMikeCares@gmail.com