Top 10 things that will definitely take place this Thanksgiving.....

10. You are stopped on grandpa’s front porch by a bouncer asking you to pay a cover charge to offset the price of food this year.

9. Guests are terrified about Aunt Mary’s new turkey recipe which is the result of more than 1.75 billion ideas and suggestions she got from ChatGPT.

8. Your “forever dieting” sister is caught snorting Ozempic ten minutes before slurping down 12 biscuits and a gallon of gravy.

7. Your brother's Hispanic wife has applied several layers of white clown makeup to fool the nosy neighbor she is convinced is an ICE agent.

6. The first person to sneeze at the dinner table shall be forever nicknamed "patient zero."

5. Your drunken cousin is still confused as to why he can't book a trip to Epstein Island on Expedia.

4. Your sister in law is screaming about being out of Tylenol while everyone stares at her autistic son who is coloring the cat.

3. Your stoner uncles giggle every time grandma asks the Labubu toy in the chair next to her if there are any more of those interesting brownies left.

2. Your stupidest cousin is overheard asking the hottest chick at the party if she thinks bitcoin can help end the Ukraine Gaza war.

1. Trump refuses to pardon the White House turkey and instructs the FBI to investigate the entire gaggle.